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Human Centipede? Yawn.

September 29, 2009

This clip (not even a little SFW) has been making the rounds recently on some sci-fi and pop-culture blogs I read, and yeah, I don’t get it.

I mean, I get it, but I don’t.  Everyone else who’s covered the clip attaches some kind of superlative (like Slashfilm’s coverage, sporting the headline “Barf City: Clip from the Human Centipede (One of the Grossest Movies of All Time?)) but seriously, the premise doesn’t make any damn sense.

Didn’t anyone tell this dude (the filmmaker) you never go ass to mouth?  Not cause it’s gross, because poop is where all the bad shit (hehe) in your body goes, like fucking parasites and viruses.  And if the food’s already gone through one person, it seems unlikely that there’ll be enough nutrients to keep the second person alive, let alone the third.  They’d probably die from starvation or getting sick.  And then you have a 2/3 dead human centipede, which is kind of gross on a whole other level but probably not horror movie gross.  Dead people get boring really fast.

I know – horror movies are all about suspension of disbelief and are pretty fucking ridiculous when you get down to it, but there has to be some feeling of “omg I could totally get my head stuck in a sunroof and then get killed in a carwash, too” or it’s just stupid.  And I happily watch Buffy and CSI on a regular basis, so don’t even think I have particularly high standards here.  The premise is fundamentally absurd and flawed – but for some reason, the press release includes details like “tissue matching” when discussing the surgery, like it’s actually scientifically possible.

To sum up: if you eat poop, you get sick and die.  That’s why The Human Centipede isn’t real, that’s what 2 Girls 1 Cup isn’t real, and yes, I will go a long way to keep this denial going.

I haven’t seen it, so possibly there’s some deus ex machina thing going on, but seriously: YAWN.

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